Random.

One of the fears I let go of this year was that of losing friends.

Prior to now, I was always doing the most, always the one doing the reaching out, always the one initiating the calls, (even to their family members), always the one initiating the messages.

It gets to a point where it becomes really tiring.

When I decided to take a hiatus and just breathe, someone told me I had become too distant. People forget that it takes two to close a gap.

How do I put this?

At first I was pissed that the people I held dearly didn’t reach out, or where there in dark times, times I just needed their presence.

It took a while but I realized, what if they too were going through something? What if they too needed my presence?

I may not have the answers to certain questions, but this I know;

If you don’t feel loved in a place, ask yourself why? Then take a breather from that space.

Sometimes all you need is distance for clarity.

After much evaluation, I came to the conclusion,

-People need people,

-I need people,

-I am permitted to feel a certain way if I feel less peopled.

-I need to know that feelings as always, would pass.

This year I somehow found myself in knowledge, and I was more patient with myself and others knowing that we may not have it all figured out at once and that’s okay, and sometimes I might make the most awful choices, as long as I survive them, that’s alright.

I learned to ask the question WHY a lot this year. Why was I feeling this or that way, why was this happening.

“Why” has a way of unraveling an enormous situation into tiny blocks of solutions.

I enter next year with knowledge, and this is good.

@lifeaschristy